 Second Try
By Robyn C. 15, Tatamagouche My bare toes gripped the edge of the cool concrete. Adjusting the position of my neck slightly, I could look down over the edge of the building to the streets below. Cars rushed by in multicolor blurs. The occupants had purpose. They had meaning. They had a place to be. Me? I wasn't so sure.
The soft wind ruffled the smooth fabric of my spring jacket. I tried to stand strong. I didn't want to do anything stupid, anything to regret. But that's what I had been doing my whole life. "Think about what you're doing here," my grandfather would say to me in the middle of one of our infamous chess matches. My 7-year-old self tried to keep the obvious frustration to a bare minimum. I wished that I actually listened.
My mind was thinking in fragments now. The rooftop faded away and bits of the past played like a movie in my mind. I could see the tests I'd failed, my parents standing over me demanding things I didn't have the answers to, me and my so called "friends" trying anything possible to get us in trouble. I could see the ugliest face imaginable in the cracked bathroom mirror, me falling over my own feet during a round of speedball, dozens of missed opportunities that could have made a difference.
A little girl from the earth nine stories down pointed a fat finger up at me, the other hand tugging urgently at her mother's sleeve. The mother swept along, with an armload of groceries and paid her daughter no mind except for a whispered reprimand. This silenced her and she followed her mom, head bowed. I looked at the spot where she was a long time after the pair turned into a movie rental place.
Suddenly a round of dizziness came over me. The uniform buildings seemed to bow and bend before my very eyes. I tried looking down. Big mistake.
This could end it, I found myself thinking. I could wave a big bon voyage to my problems, right here and now. In that one millisecond where my balance wavered, I got an encore presentation of the movies playing in my mind's eye. Only this was my future: getting my license, graduating high school, going to college, getting my first real job, having a family. I mentally weighed the pros and cons of each side; leaving the game, or giving it another shot.
The sun was setting. You could see the sun from everywhere in the world, at different times. There was so much of this world that I hadn't seen.
I steadied myself. Silently, I dropped myself off of the ledge, to the side where I could rest my feet a meter down. I put on my shoes and then sat there, for the longest time, getting myself psyched up for a second try.
Part 2 - Second Try I feel that when people commit suicide, they often think about it miles beforehand. They don't wake up and decide "I'm going to kill myself today." And people that make it to the stage of standing on a tall building looking down don't usually consider trying to start over again and change their situation.
So we don't want people to get to that stage. First of all, if you have a problem, the best thing that you can possibly do is tell someone. If you're thinking about committing suicide, it's likely that the problem is too big for just you to handle. Tell your parents, close friend, guidance counselor, or even call somewhere like the Kids Help Phone. It's definitely a lot easier if someone else knows; it's like they took a piece of the problem away from you. Help will just come from there.
And just remember that you only have one life to live and you have to make that the best that you possibly can. Join a club. Make new friends. Try to bring your grade average up. Save your money for something nice. Or tell someone you love them.
As a society we can battle suicide, but the key word is society. Nobody should have to face this alone. Not even you.
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